My name’s Dexter. No, not like that Dexter. The other Dexter, the one from Dexter’s Laboratory. I guess most people would call me a geek. My name means “Right Handed” in Old English. Exciting, isn’t it? I’m a bit socially awkward, wear glasses, and I’m into comics, sci-fi, rpg’s, and computers. I hate to say it, but I’m literally a 90 lb weakling. I’m out of school, and got a job working for a comic book company as a delivery driver and warehouse guy, hoping to eventually break in as an artist or writer, or the enviable position as an artist/writer. That wasn’t going so bad, and I got to meet most of the movers in the industry, so that was something at least.
My career as a superhero started a couple of weeks ago. I was out making the weekly delivery, when I saw a massive battle between a hero and some nefarious villain. The hero was loosing! Acting quickly, I was able to maneuver the large stepvan out of traffic, and into position. I slammed on the accelerator, and clobbered that villain good. He was OK, and the van was trashed, and I was stuck behind the airbag. The slime-bag yanked me out of the van, and threw me probably a good fifty yards away. Luckily, I landed in a pond and was alright. Fortunately for everyone, I distracted the villain long enough for the hero to recover, and he was able to finish the fight. I helped save the city!
As if that wasn’t enough, the hero came over and thanked me personally. For my bravery, he granted me one wish that I could make. I thought about it for a moment, and then I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I told him that I wish that I could turn into a flying brick. He just said, “Granted,” and then he disappeared. That’s… pretty much all I remember. I woke up in the hospital with a concussion. I can’t remember the hero’s name, who he was fighting, and the whole thing’s a bit fuzzy. I just remember that I have a duty to do what He tells me to. Not that he’s told me to do anything. Heck, I’m not even sure how he’s supposed to get in touch with me. Maybe I gave him my cell number or something?
Anyway… After I got out of the hospital, amazingly, I discovered that I could turn into a brick that can fly! Isn’t it amazing!? Granted, I can only maintain that form for a few minutes, and it tires me out, but still… I get to be a superhero! It’s not quite what I had in mind, you know, I was thinking along the lines of Superman or Captain Marvel, but still, being a brick that flies isn’t bad. I don’t have hands or anything as a brick, but I can smack into things pretty hard. It hurts getting hit by a fast moving brick afterall.
I didn’t waste any time, and I went down and signed up with the metahuman agency, and showed them what I can do. They were impressed, and told me that they had just the place for me. They sent me to join the newly formed Meta Agency 13. It’s a BRAND NEW TEAM, just forming. Meta Agencies 1-12 are all so busy with other work that the city needed a new agency, one that could handle all of the overflow from the others. We’re also named after the famous Meta Agency, The Psycho Squad, from back before humanity was nearly wiped out. They too were formed to handle the overflow and stuff too weird for the other teams back then. They played a pivotal role in saving humanity, discovering the hair product that was the source of the Goo Plague pandemic that nearly wiped out the species.
So, enough about me. Let me tell you about the rest of the team, the HQ, and everything else. Well, it first started with the Transmedic. He’s… um… She’s? Hmm…. I didn’t think to ask what to call the Transmedic. The Transmedic is a large, hairy person who dresses as a nurse. I’m not sure if the Transmedic is a transsexual or a transvestite, or what. It’s… a little odd, but no big deal. I need to remember to ask next time whether to use male or female pronouns. At any rate, the Transmedic gave me my physical, and gave me the vaccination against the Goo Plague.
Next, I was sent to the HQ. It’s not in a very good neighborhood, but that’s not a big deal. Better to fight crime if we don’t have far to go, right? The place is still being fixed up. It appears to be a small, two story office building, but like the TARDIS, it’s bigger on the inside. That’s so cool. It’s still being fixed up from the last people that used the building, a group of magic using supers. They tell me that there’s still a lot of weird magic residue around, and there’s one room that everyone was told to stay out of because of “bad stuff” that they can’t get rid of. It’s all dark and spooky, and any signs or anything they put up across the doorway falls down on it’s own.
The HQ is guarded by this really big Scottish guy who has an accent, wears a kilt, and everything. Um… we accidentally found out that he doesn’t wear anything underneath the kilt. As they say, he’s “Regimental”. He’s a really bombastic sort of guy that likes to pick people up and give them bear-hugs when he greets you. My back went CRUNCH! really loudly when he picked me up, but it sorta felt good too.
I met the other people on the team.
One was a guy from OUTSIDE the force field that keeps the plague and goo monsters out. He’s got a really cool gun that can do all kinds of neat tricks like freeze people, and make magic not work. His gun can also TURN INTO A LIGHTSABRE! It’s really rad! He also has a force-field belt. He’s got some unpronounceable name… um, I want to say Autobahn or something, but that’s not quite right. We just call him…. Khaaaaan!
There was a girl there too, named Opal. She’s really pretty. God, I’m so bad around girls. She always seems to make me blush and stammer and stuff. She’s about 4 feet tall, with green hair, and these really cool pointed ears. She’s totally a hot elf girl. She has butterfly wings and can fly really fast too. She can spit fire and blow bubbles. She’s a bit flighty and easily distracted. She reminds me of a comidic anime girl. Um… I just realized that I don’t know if she has a Superhero name. If so, I don’t remember her mentioning it. How can I spend a week in the same room with her and not remember if she has a superhero name? I’m hopeless.
There’s a woman. Some would call her a MILF, but I wouldn’t dare. She’d kill me and wouldn’t even bother to take my stuff. She claims to be Baast, the ancient Egyptian goddess of partying, protecting kids, and killing snakes or something like that. At any rate, she can turn into a HUGE LION. It’s really intimidating. She can also turn into a big housecat… well, actually she says that it’s what they had for house-cats back in ancient Egypt, before the cats got smaller and tame. She has a bunch of minor abilities like seeing in the dark, a good sense of smell, and parabolic hearing. I guess she’s our skulker and tracker. She can also shoot fire from her eyes. I… think I believe her when she says that she’s a goddess. She’s always going on about trying to get more worshippers and stuff. I’m trying to get her set up with a Twitter account.
That’s the core team. Apparently, there were some others that were supposed to show up too, but didn’t show up for some reason. I can’t imagine why anyone would pass up the opportunity to join up and be a superhero with us. Being a superhero is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Oh, I think that I forgot to mention my superhero name. I’m The Flying Brick.
Ok, so let’s get into the support staff. I already mentioned The Scottish Giant. He’s the Scottish guy with an aversion to underwear. He’s really big and strong. He’s the doorman and guards the base.
Pixie is our fearless leader. He’s just like Nick Fury (not the black one). Well, he’s just like Nick Fury if Fury was a foot tall, and had insect wings. He’s all gruff, with an eyepatch, and says commandery type things. He has a little squeaky voice, and flies around really fast. I think he’s like Professor X, and is mostly going to stay at the base and do commandery type things.
We have our own gadgeteer named Factory. He makes things for the team. He made us these really neat watches that have a two way built in radios in them, with their own crypto and everything. They also function as an emergency transponder, in case one of us needs to be brought back to HQ in a hurry. I think he also eats metal too. I didn’t get a whole lot of time with him yet, and I have a feeling that there’s more to his powers than meets the eye. I wonder if he’s a robot or something.
I already mentioned The Transmedic, our healer.
Checkpoint is one half of our teleportation system. He is the one that can bring us back to base. Anyone that he’s spent a week in close proximity to, namely us, he can teleport them to him at anytime. It does take him a little while to warm up though. I don’t think he has any other powers, other than being better at me at most console games. He just kicks back at the base, and plays games and stuff. He’s really cool, and fun to hang out with.
Bi-Bye is the other half of our teleportation system. S/he is the one that can send us away from the base. S/he can change gender at will. I’m not normally attracted to guys, but even I noticed that he makes a really attractive man. And when she’s a woman, especially when she’s wearing that low cut thing that goes down to her bellybutton… bites fist… S/he can only change gender once a day. When we met him, it was as a him. And then he changed into a her. Um, she can only teleport people away from the base. And only with a goodbye kiss. It’s embarrassing, but I’ve never kissed a prettier girl. The rest of the team is probably going to make fun of me for admitting that. Well, except that I guess I just admitted it to the public too. sigh
Hangover – What a horrible man. He’s our official scout. His power is that if he’s killed, he reappears in his “safe spot” with a hangover. He introduced himself to us with a practical joke. He blew his brains out with a gun. So, I suppose that he’s off in his safe spot. I hope he doesn’t come back. I totally lost my lunch, and will probably have nightmares for the rest of my life. I feel like I need a psychologist now. I’d have some choice curse words for him, but superheros need to set an example, so I try not to curse if I can help it.
We’re out on our first mission. We’re collecting microchips and rare metals that we can’t manufacture back in New Hope. I gotta shut this thing off and get to work. I’ll post up when we get back to base. TTFN